Sometimes wonderment in life will actually open up a new insight ....

 

Its Friday!! after Spending my morning at church with the children, I decided to sit at Old Town White Coffee Café to relax myself with coffee and a book at hands. Well, I'd been reading EAT,PRAY,LOVE - Elizabeth Gilbert, no 1 New York times bestseller book. There is a movie casted out from this book ( which I have not watch yet ). General idea about this book is how she enjoy EATING in Italy, Found GOD in India and Found LOVE in Bali. I found it a bit hard to really enjoy the book since its uses a lot of difficult English words but in the meantime I find myself learning new words and actually enjoying reading the book. I have the urge to know what actually happens to her during her "a year" vacation to these three continents of the world. Well I might want to share about it when I finished reading it.

 

Meanwhile, i really wonder how a person really knows what he/she wanted in life. Like the writer, she just quit her job and start doing things that she wanted in life without hesitation!! i just wish i could have that wisdom to really know what i want most in my life ... and this wonderment about true life purposes is not new to me since i have been looking and searching for it years before and i tell you what . the more i search the more i confused and the more i punished my self of thinking too much.

 

Although i know i did shared few things about Towards Life Fulfillments in my last Blog Entries i admitted at times i lost my own life compass in Life. Like today i have this urge to google on what do i really want in life - hoping that Mr. Google can really help me with my question and expect to at least get something from any web sites. What really happens was, google let me answers some psychology test of what do i really need and i answered it with sincerity and honesty ... the answers was taking me to my self worst critic!! And i feel like i wanted to share about it in my blog which i am now!! Frankly saying i don't usually buy any of that phycology test result when i am denying and trying to hide from the real fact (when the result really hits me).

 

** I know i am doing it for fun but deep in my heart i wanted to explore more on it!!

Test : What Do You Really Need? :- In case you want to take the test, click on the test!

Your own worst critic

With the weight of the world on your shoulders, you feel responsible for everything, and often feel guilty. Wearing your heart on your sleeve, you are often willing to forgo your own needs to meet the approval of others. As far as you are concerned, you are only as good as your last accomplishment. Successes buoy you; failures sink your sense of self-worth. Your own worst critic, you rarely lose yourself in an activity because you are preoccupied by how you are performing. If victory is not certain you may give up before seeing it through, denying yourself the chance to build on your strengths. While you may try harder than most, you also spend more time worrying, taking on more and more activities that you don’t really want to do, but accept because you feel you should. Accept there are limits to what you can do. Give yourself time and space to explore your interests without an agenda.

1.Feel Responsible for everything (Check!!)
2. Often Feel Guilty (Check - sometimes)
3.Often willing to forgo your own needs to meet the approval of others (Subconsciously yes!)
4. successes buoy you; failures sink your sense of self-worth (I confuse)
5.Denying yourself the chance to build on your strengths ( maybe)
6. Spend more time worrying ( sometimes yes)

Remedies : Give yourself time and space to explore your interest without an agenda.

**I can't believe that i am actually believing what those test has shown me.  I wonder now how am i going to make all those six negatives statement into a more positives one.**

** Do i need to find balance in my life and stop worrying about life?**
**I May want to explore those six worst critic in my Journeying Through PRH blog and do some analysis on it soon**


~m3@~

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Time's up ~ I think i need a boyfriend !!

Conversation between My soul and I...

Me : "Soul, i think i am open for a new relationship now..."

Soul : "Seriously Mea?"

Me : "Yes Soul, time's up!! I need a Boyfriend ... i mean "WE" "

Soul : "Yeah !! its been Quite a while ... six years over OUR first love"

Me : " I know ... sounds crazy right!! I am sorry soul, we need to be together in this. You need a soul mate and I need a man"

Soul : Lets move on it!!

Me : yeah!! I am on it!!

***********************I need a Boyfriend**************************

Well, Its been quite a while since i broke up with my so called "First Love". Seriously i am wasting my time sticking on my "loyalty" and my "believe" about him returning back and imagining "us" to start over again.  I am being such a "maniac" towards my own self. Either Overly influenced by "Happy Ending" Movies or just being too strictly bonded with my "Life Principle" ... or worse... What am i ? a coward? a pathetic little Mea?  ~ Pheeww tsk tsk tsk!!!

I remember i once said to him (ex-es) that i still can live without a man!! Owh yes ... i am a very independent and stubborn lady. But the reality was sucks!! I might be can do things whats man are capable of but the fact about the difference between Man & Woman still hold  the strong facts which i admitted and realized of ...  "I still need Man in my life!!" ~ I regretted to have had said it!!

Its normal though to be in a "Cynics" situations when you are not open up for others opportunity or chances into a new relationship after experiencing a bad/terrible "broken-heart" relationship. In my case, it really hits me deeply to the core and affected my whole person as a women ~ Rejection is the most "sickening" / " Extremely unpleasant" feelings that can cause an unwanted emotional instability. 

The question now is ... " am i really ready / open  for a new relationship"? ~ which i am still uncertain about until now because i haven't really meet someone that really bring the "spark" out as what i expected of ... Am i able to fall in love again? I am not sure!! or am i easily fall in love to people but hindered by the image of "Rejection" and "hurt"? I am not sure either!! ~ I just need someone that able to respect me as a women and can sacrifice himself for me!! 

1 Universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas : ~ can't believe i unable to find one that "good" for me!!

# Real Life Sharing ~ What i need is a Non-smoking - Caring, authentic, honest Boyfriend!! 

~M3@~

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While we are enjoying our food at the table, talking, laughing, hanging around, chilling out with friends , gossiping or even complaining and doesn't bother about anything else around us ... remember there are those unfortunate people that struggling for food, for money and struggling their life's for a living. 

i was called to share about these unfortunate people around us that sometimes we overlooked and not treated equally in the society. I was on my way to withdraw money at one of the nearby ATM bank in my way back home from church. I have nothing with me and i need an emergency cash at the moment. At the entrance of the bank door, there are this disable middle age man waiting at a corner not far from the bank main entrance. If you know Nick Vujicic, you can imagine the man that i am describing to you by now, only that this Man have two short arms without fingers. 

While pushing on the entrance door, i give a slight glance at him, hate to know that he is making a living by gaining from people sympathy. He can be doing something more respectful or more dignity at. - but deep inside me having this pity feelings towards him. I am confused a while when part of me dislike on what the man is doing, gaining people sympathy at the bank entrance yet part of me showing some respect for him and accepting that every work is a work. ~begging is also a profession~ 

I try to put myself in his shoes. If i am - him ... What will i do for a living? Am i brave enough to wait at any bank entrance and asking for money? - I let myself see things in a more positive way- in a sense of gratefulness ... I am fortunate enough to have a perfect whole body where i can freely use my leg to walk, kick and jump and also to have my two arms with fingers to do my daily routine. Telling my self that i am fortunate enough as a person compare to him, being born with physical incapability. 

I come near to him and start asking him question like, where he lives, who help him out, and other simple questions that showing compassion to him. Deep inside me i want them to know that they are matters in this world and begging is not the correct way to make a living. 

So new thing i learn;

~When i saw him, waiting at the front of the bank entrance with physical incapability~  

*I learnt that unfortunate people teach us about how to be grateful and stop complaining*

P/S: Encourage one another ~we are all equal~

~m3@~

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We all have our own way of life fulfillment ... We might be sharing the same desire in life but different way of experiencing it. Note that each one of us are special and unique in our own way. What make us different is our attitude and the values that we hold onto towards life. - Life values is another interesting things that can be probe and discuss later - but for the this entry let me continues about what i left on my last Life Fulfillent ~ Part 1 sharing.

Quoted back from my last post :-
P/s : To be continued with:-
* Thinking ( doing statistic)
* Travelling
* Motivating
* Having Variety in Life
* Personal growth

Thinking 

I love learning about critical thinking but i never really applied the teaching into the real life yet or i might have been applying it without aware about it. Is it possible? - May be - When i attended this Social Teaching short talk from Sister Margerate at church, i learned that thinking not only involves our head/mind but also involves our heart. Logical thinking: we are usually using our brain for a logical answers to a problem. Thinking with heart : usually applied when we were reflecting about our self. Many articles can be found regarding Mind thinking Vs Heart thinking & heart - mind thinking. Its interesting to know the way how we think because the way how we think actually play the biggest roles in our daily life. 

I am not a good thinker but i love statistic very much. I love to study and think of the possibilities or logical probability based on statistic. Figures is powerful in the way of proving something and i am good at it. Good : fairly good but not too excellent on it. I am not a fast thinker i admitted it since i always will look into the details and start asking why? how if? how come? - not very applicable for a quick decision making - since i like seeking other people opinions on something before processing it into my own thinking. Sometimes laziness is the main reason that limits the brain ability of thinking In fact, the real truth is our brain have a great ability if we know how to use it and practice a good way of thinking ... 

Thinking too much leads to life distraction and emotion instability ... Reflection is needed in our daily life to help our self to understand our self better because only from understanding our self we are able to extended the joy and compassion to other people around us. I am learning to do Daily life reflection now and writing a life reflection story & learn the strong reason to do reflection as a way for self improvement.

I admire people who can think in a critical way and able to forecast the future by doing analysis and thinking. We all are a thinker ... we are using our mind to think and to evaluate in making daily decision. The most important things about thinking is ... POSITIVENESS ... Be Positive to everything because through positive thinking we will find happiness that leads to life's fulfillment.

"Positive thinking can achieve the impossible - Vijay-"

"Thinking positively can change your whole perspective on life" 

"The mind is everything.What you Think You Become - Buddha-"

Travelling

Talking about travelling ... its everyone dreams!! yeah believe me almost half of the population in the world wish to travel around the globe.  I had been having this dream since my University day. I shared my dream with Him (Ex-BF) ~and of course its a "Sweet couples" dream~ to do travelling together in the future  (What a memory!!). We   ( My Boyfriend & I) never ever mention about getting married or having children together but we have this talk about "Travelling". What funny about it was the vision of  possibilities in the dream itself. Well, as a young couples every dream is a possibility isn't it? We agreed to travel from one starting point, different direction ( different countries) and ended up in one agreed country that both wants to travel together. - What a dream!! - Now that i had grown up and rethink about all those possibilities ... i realized one thing .. Travelling needs Money!! hahaha. But what a life without a dream right??

Look at the world map ... do you know how many countries are there in the world? check it out Here!! Travel doesn't always require you to look outside your own country, Domestic travel also considered as travelling. Travelling is like a book and those who do not travel read only one page. ~ St. Agustine~ What's important about travelling is Click Here and how it can transform our life. Normally people who used to travel is an Open Minded person where they learn about the value of Respect, Value of Life, Value of other people. Don't believe me? Try to be friend with those who travel often ... they see life in a different perspective!

Even with domestic travelling is good enough for you to see the other side of the country to at least Learn a new thing in Life!! I personally had travel around East Malaysia (Sabah & Sarawak) and few of West Malaysia (Peninsular). -meeting new friends- Get connection!! 

My first overseas Country that i visited is Philippines (Clark & Manila) with a group of church people that i never met before. Then I visited Brunei (visiting Fr. Paul, a priest that i met during that Philippines trip) and visited Australia ( Doing PRH Courses suggested by Fr. paul) - can you see how everything is connecting to one another?). It is the same with domestic travelling where you meet new people that can lead you to a new dimension of how we see life's. I also visited Vietnam Twice last year and wish to do some travelling again soon!!

Like i said Money is the biggest concern when comes to travelling. We always can get information from the tip of our finger isn't it? Here is how to save money tips for travelling, another Blog on saving money tips - this is an interesting blog on how she manage to travel around the world and even quit her job .. a must read blog -. When you do more and more research on how some people who able to travel the world does, most of them do one Thing in life ... SAVING MONEY!! i am learning on it too since it requires self discipline and strategies as well. There are more tips on how to be able to do travelling ... just force your little butt to sit and do research on Google!! -everything about travelling & save while travelling & Adventure in Travelling- Site / blog like this really help you to know more things about travelling. Another Site that might rise up your enthusiasm of traveling is travel Europs for less than 6k.

My 2015 travel plan

Mei - Cambodia & Melbourne & Goal Coast, Australia

June - Phuket & Krabi, Thailand

Sept - Melbourne,Australia (Doing PRH)

Nov - Shenzhen - Shanghai - Beijing

Dec - Land below the wind (My Home Town)

** We plan God Fulfill** When a plan doesn't went well as planned, Be happy because there is always a reason for everything that happens!!**

"I just wanna go on ore adventures. Be around good energy. Connect with people. Learn New things. Grow. -Thekoolhaus-"

"Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer"

"Travel: Explore/Embrace/Learn/Live"

P/s: Wow couldn't believe i share more about travelling. 

P/s: Will continue about
* Motivating
* Having Variety in Life
* Personal growth ...............................................................................SOON.......

Till Then!!

~m3@~

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13 March 2015

When I grow older i found out that it is some how easier for me to know what i love doing and what was the things that when i do it, able to make me happy and feeling satisfied with a great fulfillment in life.

Here's the list of things that i wanted to do and have fulfillment in life:-
* Reading
* Writing
* Thinking ( doing statistic)
* Travelling
* Motivating
* Having Variety in Life
* Personal growth

Reading 

I can barely recalled how did i fall to the habit of reading. But i remember reading Malay novel when i was in secondary school and i love visiting the library ( Even can spent the whole day in the Library - Reading- ). I change my reading preferences from Malay Novel to English novel when i realized that there were not much different in Malay Novel story walk through from one novel to another - sometimes i can correctly guess the ending of the story as well-  So i decided to tried reading an English story book even though i am not good in English. (* There is a story behind on how i realized the fact that English is a very interesting and abstract languages to learn - might write about it in my next entry-)

Mary Kate & Ashley Story books became my favorite story books during my secondary school. I love reading about their life stories as a twin. Even though they were twin sister's but they have different personality. They even cheated at their identity ( changed identity ) in schools. This was the most amazing story books that i found suit my younger age interest. 

I cultivated my reading interest and reading desire while i was in my second University year. I had a boyfriend back then - he loves reading and writing as well. He was excellent in English and i somehow motivated by him - indirectly - . During our University time, we loves spending our time in the library. he will be doing his Law assignment and i will be doing my revision as well. Most of our free time, we will be spending it in the library. I remember a day when i feel boring waiting for him to finish his work, i simply grabbed a red color thick story book entitle - The diary - . The book was about the real life's story of the writer (which i forgot the name). I love the book very much. I read it far from his study table because i don't want to be disturbed. That was a great book so far and i ended up lending the book and finished reading it in two days time. 

After my experience with that book, i started looking for other interesting story book and read it while waiting for my boyfriend every time we spent time together in the library. I finished reading my second English novel entitle - The Princes Diaries - for a whole day morning until evening in the library. I also started to talk about what i had read ... telling the story to my boyfriend until one day he asked " What is the movie title?" and i answered him "I didn't watch movie, i read the book". Its amazing how i can retold the book summary as if i am watching a movie. That was a happy moment for me and i continued reading until now. 

I wouldn't even mind spending my money on books. Up to now i had bunch of English motivational book - Robert Kiyosaki on financial - John C. Maxwell on Leadership - Oprah Winfrey on life's experiences and more. I also keen to romance story book as well. I felt that reading really make my brains processing, thinking and learning...i also can practice my imagination and at time become emotional when reading as if i am the Heroin of the story.  

Writing / Blogging

Writing: To share anything in words ... 

I never really do perfect writing, keeping a journal or keeping a diary during the period of my growing age. I don't even know exactly what to write and how to write. all the while I had been thinking that writing is hard especially when it comes to giving out personal opinion. I really hate writing before because it needs my concentration and i am scared of making mistake. That feeling of afraid of making mistake is actually killing my creativity in expressing out my opinion and finally lead to low self confident. But i tell you what i always want to share things through writing but unfortunately i just lack of the resources on how to write and what to write. I usually feel dissatisfied with  my own writing  and that dissatisfaction (negativity) is just silence down my desire of writing. 

I started to have the confident in writing from my ex-boyfriend. Well he is a thinker ( at least that what i think he was ) and he loves expressing things or matters in a piece of papers. He even can Write from one pages to another pages and more pages.  I love to read his articles and the way how he really brings out things and discuss them in writing. I wonder how did he manage to write so freely and openly? Then i realized that writing is not about following any rules like what being taught in schools. Writing is to let go of what you feel and what you think in your own perfect words and with your own perfect way. Everyone have the ability to write since everyone have the ability to think and to speaks. The only matter that arises is the willingness to write or not to write. 

I had been starting having this blog in 2009 and its been 5 years since i practice my writing. Amazing enough that i am improving each year. Improving in term of vocabulary and confident level... i can freely write whatever i want now. The process of learning takes time .. keep on going because every successful person begins with mistake and failure. 

I am inspired by Muhamad Hafiz bin Ismail Life through my eyes blog. I was walking front and fort in a bookstore when i spotted his book Life through my eyes 2 with 214 pages. He inspired others from his blog pages and even able to published his blog into a book. Without hesitation i bought his book the same day and both his book and blog become my references and inspiration in doing more blogging and writings. 

For those who have the desire of writing... follow your heart and instinct. WRITE!! do Blogging!! share something because no one else see the world the way you do and no one else tells the story that you have to tell ... start writing. I admitted that there are more room of improvement for me in writing especially with my grammar but doesn't matter...There are always an editor behind a great article!! And here 15 reasons why you should start blogging and i agreed with the writer!!

P/s : To be continued with:-
* Thinking ( doing statistic)
* Travelling
* Motivating
* Having Variety in Life
* Personal growth
************************S.O.O.N***********************
Till my next entry !!

~m3@~

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I am frantically having a hectic and restless week days - am I being a very responsible person or am I not knowing of how to manage my life to be more organize?- I am tired. I need a long rest. My body need relaxation. My body need treatment. My body need to just stop doing things that lead to anxiety and tiredness. My whole body need a full body massage!! that's what I really want right now at this moment. I need to make my mind to stop thinking about life .. just for a little while .. I need to focus on what good for my body and how to be a very best friend to my own body.

My normal weekday routine was this :-

Wake up in the morning -  Check on the Smart Phone - replying watt Sapp - browsing through Facebook - updating things - preparing myself for work - driving for work - breakfast with the same person - solving office problems ( sometimes do not even know what to do in the office ) - having office tight schedule - sitting long hours - stayed late in the office - (sometimes go for daily masses) - going back home - feeling Irritating with my housemate - staying in the room with computers and smart phone - preparing my sleep for the night - **

Additional for weekends :

 Waking up in the morning - go for catechism class - feeling happy with children at church - doing some church work - spending the evening, wasting time at home - go for evening masses at church - home and irritating with my housemate - locking myself in the room - preparing for the night and sleep.

OMG!! what is the problem with my daily routine? everything is perfect ... one thing that change my entire mood and effecting how my whole body reaction is my discomfort feeling with my housemate ... seriously? I need privacy and I am lack of privacy when he never know when to stop hanging around in the living room. I mean he is not the only person who live in the house!!  ( Note that I stayed in the house with a male friend a.k.a my housemate ) - he live downstairs and I live upstairs but we're sharing the bathroom, toilet and kitchen and owh.. the living room which I rarely spent time at. I prefer locking myself in the room doing my own things rather than doing things together with my housemate.

We been living in the same roof for almost 6 months now and we never really had a good conversation for the whole past months ... I don't like talking with him and I don't like sharing things with him. sometimes I felt that he is a "moron" and I dislike him very much. In fact I am still looking for a new place to rent. - Ridiculous isn't it?- But it is normal to not liking someone/ a person. I am merely human...

# Sometimes I don't know what I really want in life and how I really want to do with my day!!

for my own self motivation ....

" GET RID OF EVERYTHING THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY AND GIVE YOUR ATTENTION TO THE THINGS THAT DO"

P/S: I am thinking to do a self retreat and self reflection sometimes where I can spend my time alone and out from the life busyness.

P/s: Also I think going for a swim ( my favorite activities ) is what I really need for my body now.

~m3@~

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Today i had a "Bad Mood" evening!!

Bad Mood: You don't feel like talking, you got irritated easily, negative aura surrounded few inch of your entire body, feeling uneasy, unsettle, uncertain, insecure & Body will react negatively or passively to the surrounding and more .. you name it!!

**I experienced that feelings today and i feel as if there are one small tiny dot of darkness in my chest that slowly,  struggling hard to shrink and shrinking ... and it caused me pain on my chest when i tried to fight over it**

have any one of you experienced such situation before? ~ I terribly dislike that moment because its effect my way of perceiving  things, effect my emotions and it ruins my entire mood!! ( When that moment come i a thinking of soaking myself under the water and hold my breath for few second hoping to recover back from that unwanted feelings )

There are two sides to every coin ...

There are Yin for every Yang ...

There are Pro and there are Cons .. 

There are darkness and there are Lights in life ... 

There are always two possibility to everything and same goes to the feelings ...while goggling on the word "Feelings" this article attract me ... 

http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/01/08/8-things-to-remember-when-everything-goes-wrong/

Talking about Darkness & Light ... here are some quotes i would like to share:-

“There is darkness inside all of us, though mine is more dangerous than most. Still, we all have it—that part of our soul that is irreparably damaged by the very trials and tribulations of life. We are what we are because of it, or perhaps in spite of it. Some use
it as a shield to hide behind, others as an excuse to do unconscionable things. But, truly, the darkness is simply a piece of the whole, neither good nor evil unless you make it so. It
took a witch, a war, and a voodoo queen to teach me that.” 
― Jenna Maclaine, Bound By Sin

“There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.” ~ Bra Stoker, Dracula

“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.” 

― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

In every darkness, there’s a light. In every struggle, there’s a way. In every faith, there’s a hope.

I Imagine myself to be like this picture

P/S: ** Feeling Ridiculous **

~m3@~

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I feel so GOOD after church today. 

Good: Happy, alive, grateful, lively, sociable, positive, valued ... every positives feelings is in me now!! Why wouldn't i when i have the opportunity to talk, to hug, to laugh, to gives opinion, sharing with the others church members ~ which makes me feel like Home. (What a wonderful parish) .. okay skip it !!

Today all the Catholics are celebrating the feast of "Our Lady Of Lourdes". Wanna know ore about Lourdes story and why it is celebrated in the church ...here's the link  to it.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Lady_of_Lourdes#Lourdes_water

For me personally, whatever celebration in the church took place, i would not missed it if possible. If you ask me why? i would tell you one answers .. because that is what i want!! I am not Holy but i am spiritually driven (Not all those who come to the church are H.O.L.Y or G.O.O.D .. nobody is perfect ~ want to know if you are good enough/perfect? Try walking on waters!! ) .. yeah i admitted anyway.. i am not Holy and i am not good enough but church is where i find PEACE and LOVE!! ~ i refer the statement to St. Micheal church Specifically because i truly experienced love, confident & relationship in here!!  

To make the story short, during the light refreshment after the mass, happen to talk to few church members ... exchanging opinion, exchanging praises, exchanging good positives words.. on of the church members asked me:

He : Are you a Writer?

Me : No!! you read my blog? Oooo its full of grammatical error!!

He : Doesn't matter!!  You highlighted the important thing in your blog..

Me : Owh Thank You!!

 **I feel appreciated** 

***Conversation continue with different topic****

Now i was thinking ... May be i am not a writer yet but if i keep practicing my writing and discover which areas of writing that i am good with, i might become a true writer some day!! May be a motivational writer ?? who knows?? ~Nothing is impossible anyway!!

Everyone have their own strength in life. Each one of us in this world, have the ability to be positive and motivated. But the Big Question is How To be positive and how to stay positive?  ~ I tell you .. do small positive act each day and the Big positive will come uninvited to your life. What do i mean by small positive act? well try this ... SMILE to strangers and to the people around you!! that's the most basic positive act that will slowly transform how you reacted to the surrounding. And more importantly :~ Think Positive and Positive thing will happens!!

~Learn from Gandhi~

~m3@~

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Menstruation  and Woman

Today my post will be a bit more about live, health & woman sharing. I am a woman and i think sharing things about "menstruation" / "Menstrual Period" is a normal thing and nothing to be ashamed with. Every woman will eventually experienced it in their life to show that they are stepping to the level of physical maturity. ( There are other sign of physical maturity ... but i am stressing about menstruation now).

Why did i choose this topic? That is a good question ... to tell you a story my this month "period" is the worst one. It caused me a very bad headache, back pain, sore breasts and instability in emotions :~ this situation makes my day at the office unproductive & bearing the aching pain on my stomach, back and other part of my body. (Talking about instability in emotion ... i always used this period pain as a reason to have a fight with my boyfriend a.k.a ex~BF previously and when i recalled back it was funny because man doesn't know how much a woman suffer from a menstruation pain). No wonder weeks before i am craving so much of junk food and eats a lot ... well Menstruation is about hormone changing anyway!! 

Of course this is not my first time having this pain ... i am physically matured at the age of thirteen turn to fourteen ~ Secondary school. I am so worried and scared because i know at the age of fourteen it's too late to have a period since my other girl friends had it earlier. Moreover, my Science teacher used to tell us about the normal age for a girl to have their first period ... but i guess to finally had my first period at the age of fourteen is not abnormal isn't it? Since then i learn about menstrual monthly cycle as to prepared myself from any humiliation. Humiliation from what? of course from having the stain of blood sticking on my school uniform. (hehehe). 

Another humiliation is the moment to shop for the "pads". I remember when i am filled with shyness even buying those pads for my mum ... whats more for my own!! "Its for my mum, my mum asked me to buy this ..." even told the shop owner about it!! and what worst ... asked the shop to wrap the pads with newspaper to prevent from people's attention ??? hahaha. what a memory. When i recalled it back now, as i am old enough to think of this kind of humiliation ... i wonder why most of woman in my hometown (Specifically) during my young age are ashamed or shy about shopping for pads. Nowadays, i find it normal in life as a woman. I even can jokes about it with man!! especially those male friend who bother to be very busybody...haha. 

Back from shop ..

Male friend: "What did you buy?"

Me: " Bread..Do you want some?"

Male Friend: "What bread .. i want.."

Me: "Owh Good Bread ... This Bread..you still want it?" Showing him the pads... 

Both : Burst out laughing!!

I started having menstrual periods pain at the age of twenty ~ Pre-Univeristy life!! which the pain come and go without much to think of ... but as i aged its become more and more worst. Sometimes i need to have a full rest at home and escape work when i am having my first day period every month...that's when i started to goggle and learn about Menstrual pain and its remedies ... here are some link about it...

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003150.htm  about the consideration, causes and home care for painful menstrual periods. 

http://www.webmd.com/women/menstrual-cramps Another link of the symptoms, causes , ways to relieve , menstrual cramp.

Even at times i would have babbling about "Period", "buying pads" & "changing pads" but  being a Woman is wonderful isn't it? Regardless of all the problem woman are facing .. Woman still live life beautifully and still the center of attraction to Man!!

P/s: I am Grateful to be a woman

#Blogging while having a slight Stomach Cramp!!**

~m3@~

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Back from the Church, i cant wait to return home, turn on my laptop, sitting in front of it and start writing /sharing information about Father Mark Formation Talk. It was a beautiful and mind working session... but what happens was, i lacked of writing idea's and ended up saving the post in my draft box. Here i am again trying my best, continue writing & editing what is necessary. Before jumping to what the Formation all about, let me introduce you to Father Mark...

This is Father Mark!! He is a young, good looking priest serving In St. Micheal Alor Setar Church. I never really have any direct communication with him yet. Most Of the time, i shared or whined things to Father Marshall the Parish priest. Normally, Father Mark ways of giving homily is relating the gospel reading with the real life situation and most of the time concerned more on personal development topic. (Well, Personal development is a general topic and i am slowly learning on it ... one of my way to really live with everyday personal growth / development is with doing a personal writing analysis based on PRH method ...http://www.prhaustralia.com/#!publications/c1zmy ... Writing it really help!!)

Now that you know Father Mark, lets jump to the Formation content that He highlighted in the session:- (**Note that this post consist of  Religion teaching since i am sharing about Life Reflection Topic in a Catholic way)

My Role & My Vocation:-

Being a Catechism teacher, teacher need to be clear about their role & life Vocation. It is because, what they plant today is what they harvest later. Whatever teaching they taught in class, act / values that they shown to the children, they will imitate & copy paste it into their life. 

"The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow. Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny. ~James Allen~"

Having a role as a catechism Teacher is a very important task!! Fr. Mark highlighted Three things to shows if the teacher are  really into the Vocation:- 

1. Be willing to learn:- Have the continuous spirit to learn about God, to talk about god as a mystery. in fact we are learning everyday.

2. Love for the Children:- Love them as you love your own child. Children want to see a happy teacher. Show them love and appreciation & they will do the same to others.

3. Have an experience of God:- Most people "Know About God" and only few "Know God"... start asking question about what is your personal experience of God? Learn to do reflection & Discernment.

All teachers are paying attention to Fr. Mark session. Partner Sharing, Video showing & songs are the tools that being used during the session. Based on the video & Song , Teachers required to write and do some reflection based on 5 question given.. (Well will share to you what are the questions right after this)...Fr. Mark said, we need to ask those 5 question in our daily life in order to learn and grow...Learning process differ between ages, as an adult, we tend to learn on things that has something to do with our life ... things that interest us and effected our life!! 

Before i share on the five essential questions of Learning & Growing, let me share about the Technic of sharing during the session. The Sharing Principals itself totally not much different with PRH concept where, it is advisable to only share what had been written and listen attentively when others are sharing. (This is a very good way of practicing good listening skills). Here are the example of the questions given during sharing  activities:- 

* Write down one particular experience of God in your life. (Share it to your partner)
*In the sharing, what did you know about God? (From your Partner sharing)
* What did you discover about yourself? (From your sharing)
**This is also a way of doing reflection in our daily life**
Pictures of Sharing activities;-

"The delights of self-discovery are always available."~Gail Sheehy~

5 Essential Question of Learning & Growing (For Adult)

a) What new thing did i/you learn?

b) What did i find interesting?

c) How is it relevant to life?

d) How is it relevant to ...(What you are doing now? eg. Catechetics) 

e) What i didn't understand?

**Try asking and answering these questions in your daily life and you will see how much you progress and growing each day** 

2 Peter 3:18
but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. 

~m3@~

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Today I need to attend a Formation talk with Fr. Mark ~ for 'Catechism teacher' so i am surprise that i wake up quiet early, have my bath and thinking of sharing something in here. I am teaching Catechism Class every Friday Morning for one and a half hours. And every time Friday is coming i am so excited ... to the level that i will wake up early like today. There might be two possibilities .. either :- I am passionate with kids and i want them to have a different point of view about life or i am merely become a responsible person in my life. Well ... may be it can be both!! i am moved by being responsible and want to show a better values with children. Whitney Houston song ... the best way how to express my intention with children:- 

                                             "Greatest Love Of All"

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

[Chorus]

And if, by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Indeed ... Children are our future. We teach them well with "Love" they will give the "Love" back to the world. And because i am dissatisfied with not receiving much "love" during my childhood time, i feel that working with children will compensate the "need" of Love, the need of freedom and the need of doing things creatively without being judge, the need of happiness... children are innocent full of curiosity and i wanna learn together with them about positives values in a positive environment!!

Check my Childhood experiences in http://mearinna2.blogspot.com/2015/02/my-life-stories-past-tense.html ... and you will know how badly i want to help these children!!

Collection of pictures with my students: -

 
Children: Sometimes they listen sometimes they don't..when they listen means they are interested and having fun in class but when the other way round happens, teacher need to change their way of teaching!!

P/s: Do you think my intention of teaching the children is a way of dealing with my "unfulfilled" needs during my childhood past? It can be!!

~m3@~

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There will always a first time to everything...
First Love...
First Kiss...
First Job ...
First Car...
First House ...
First Decision ....

Without that "First Time" , there will never a "Next Time"!! To have that First time in life, we need to be courageous, motivated and dare to take any opportunities that given to us. 

For me, today is my "First time" holding a microphone giving an hour talk in front of a small crowd of people. Well done to me!! i cant wait for the "next opportunity" of doing the same thing again. I never really been given any opportunities of talking in a crowd before and if i happen to have that opportunity, i tend to say "NO" ... "No, i am not qualified for that" "No, i am not ready" "No, other people is better" ... come on!! what a pathetic me (Before). It really shows my lack of confident level, low self esteem, excessive timidity, and scared of making mistake, afraid of people perception on me and that's when the word "NO" comes out from the tip of my mouth. (I tell you...there are more people acting the way i do!! i know it!!)

Now, i am glad that i am no longer being that "Girl" ... Today the new Me is more courageous, More cheerful, more brave, More adventurous, more confident, having more faith in herself, Value life more, and importantly more and more bright & positives. ~People learn from the past~

**One thing that make me worry now is the more cheerful & positive i become, the more positive my views on Obesity** My crave for Junk Food is high & i am aware that exercising once a week is impossible to achieve my Ideal Weight!! OMG!!

 ...so here my pictures of knowledge sharing with a little audience. 

The moment i stand in front of them i assume they know nothing about the topic that i am going to share. That assumption makes me share more openly and talk more confidently. I dont care much on 'their' perception on me but i focus myself more on the subject that i am going to share and one thing i realize, i bring the group to show participation by asking them a bonus / simple question.

Doesn't matter if the question is too easy for them to answers, importantly they shows interest and participation on what i talk. i like it when they laugh or even make some noises. it shows they are not boring with me.,. if the room is too silence, i will call someone names or point anyone from the group to give response!!

So i am happy for my achievement today and i look forward the next "knowledge sharing" again.. How i wish to have the courage like these people ....

http://www.biography.com/people/oprah-winfrey-9534419...Oprah Winfrey my fav. Talk Show Host.

http://youtu.be/jCiBQu1TAgY?list=PLhcLsDbLQCeq5t7Zsn6JxCKNu4NKn3qh3 Another speaker that inspired me ...

http://youtu.be/Lp7E973zozc My Favourite Motivational Speaker Mel Robbins 

Mel Robbins Video sharing is the best and very inspiring ... I want to have her sense of humor and her idea's of motivating & touches other people life's. 

" How are you? FINE?  the thing that you want, you fine to not have it!!" ~Stop saying Fine~

" You are not Fine, You're Fantastic ... you have life changing ideas for a reason"

"All day long you have idea that can change your life, that can change the world, that can change the way you feel" 

Enjoy Watching the video people...

Till then

~m3@~

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