"so what!!" suddenly felt that this is the right moment to shout out loud... "SO WHAT!!...SO WHAT !!...SO WHAT!!" for whoever that may offended ... SO WHAT!! hahaha. Such a stubborn and childish words of defending own self is common to each of us ... human ... entity ... who is living and growing in this so fascinating 'globe" called E*A*R*T*H . And I confess there is no exception of the "so what" phrases from my life dictionary. heeeee!! How about you out there? so do you .. aren't you? owhh come on !! don't give a big s*h*i*t of lie anymore...just admit it. If you do...so what!! Haha.. so what? I am a little "tipsy" the moment i wrote out this blog anyway. I mean... "tipsy" not because of .... alcohol...but of the confusion and "hanky-panky" that cross out my mind this moment and gosh!! this gonna makes me goin crazy somehow. Let it be ...so what!! walked it through just like what it should be...so what!! owhhh!! gross!! To whoever that this blog may concerned.....SO WHAT!! There is no reason for any specific person to get "high blood" because of this right...and if it does .. so what!! This is just a writing anyway. And the writer (which is me) is hardly having a good moment in her life soooo Let whatever come cross her mind...just let it go and wrote it down. This is not the end but only the beginning. (~~**~~) p/s: No offense for the reader...i write in P.E.A.C.E !!

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For the knowledged of people out there...( i mean my blogs reader ) I loves reading a lot. Motivation....romance...thriller...( my favorite ) and any kind of books that may invite my interest. (emm!!). Basically, when choosing what types of book i wanted to read a few conditions and consideration will be stipulated. First and foremost, comes whats FONT is being used, then the Size of the font , colour of the paper ( i prefer brown coloured ) the thickness of the book , the design of the book cover , and of course...when i satisfied with all that, i will then jump to the synopsis of the stories...hehe..( it is a bit troublesome you know ) but hey!! come on ... for sure we wanted the best for whatever that eventually end up with MR. MONEY ($_$) right..!!~~ eheh!! I recently are reading "Practising the power of NOW" wrote by Mr. Eckhart Tolle ( in fact i haven't finished reading it ) but i wanted to jot down and share with you one pages about THE PAST CANNOT SURVIVE IN THE PRESENCE... I will just retypes it in here and up to you to read it silently or read it loud...( Importantly i still consider it as *reading* )..so this is what the pages are all about : ~~ " Whatever you need to know about the unconscious past in you, the challeges of the present will bring it out. If you delve ( search or rummage on s/thing) into the past, it will become a bottomless pit : There is always more. You may think that you need more time to understand the past or become free of it, in other words, that the future will eventually free you of the past. This is a delusion. Only the present can free you of the past. More time cannot free you of time. Accept the power of now. That is the key. The power of Now is none other than the power of your presence, your consciousness liberated from thought forms.. So deal with the past on the level of the present. The more attention you give to the past, the more you energize it, and the more likely you are to make a "self" out of it. Don't misunderstand: Attention is essential, but not to the past as past. Give attention to the present; give attention to your behaviour, to your reaction, moods, thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires as they occur in the present. There's the past in you. If you can present enough to watch all those things, not critically or analytically but non judgmentally, then you are dealing with the past and dissolving it through the power of your present" P/s: you have to buy this book. It really worth reading it. hehe!! till then....(^____^)

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H.E.A.R.T....heart is something that vulnerable...is very sensitive....is totally fragile...is something that can easily hurt and HEART....for me the very suit description for it ... is... **NON STOP BREATHING**...so it is a must and important for us to look after our own BLESSED H*E*A*R*T ❤❤❤ from being HURT and to be in pain. ( Once broken forever will it hurt ). And let me assure you that...ONLY L*O*V*E can makes HEART fell GOOD!! My HEART and I have a real inexplicable relationship. Whenever my HEART hurt and in pain....I without realized it will makes a lot of teardrops. I keeps telling myself and my HEART to be STRONG and keep going but I failed. I just can't handle the situation when my HEART ... felt unhappy and down. you know my HEART is just like a baby that need a 24 hours guidance from her MAMA and PAPA. ahah. See!! fretting about it won't help. sooooo.... happen to be I am having a conflict with my owned HEART and Now am trying hard to makes her S*M*I*L*E... I dedicated this specially for MY HEART. "Heart, i know i have been hard on you. I am sorry for the thing i had put you through. Before you stand to break on me and ask for sympathy...i need to make you see.. oh!! Heart...I am not sure it's been long enough to say that what i feel is REALLY LOVE. There is just one way to learn that SOMETIMES WE'LL GET HURT & RIGHT NOW IT'S MY TURN. But please HEART..give it time and HELP it through... Heart, WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER... you're my STRENGTH...you're my SOUL...and i need you now more than EVER. Heart, don't fret. All the HURT will soon be gone if you... if you will just keep on being STRONG. You will always be my FRIEND so keep on hanging on & we'll FIND LOVE again. " P/s: For people Out there...RISK is always there when LOVE take over our HEART!! so beware and be caution...RISK of BrokenHeart comes in silent and it is Damn HURT!!

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I had this friend of mine (a girl) asking for an adequate and equivalent answers on her unsolved question... and i took some times to responds on her. Her question is quite simple but really are hard to give the exact answers. Before i proceed to the question it is good if you guys knows a little bit about her background. This Girlz is my most valuable best girlfrez (Sort of!!) and she just broke up with her Boyfriend last year (sorry to heard) and the problem is she L.O.V.E this guy/man/boy so damn deep until she completely lost her sense of trusting others. She couldn't even stand herself from thinking about him every day...every hours...and every minutes from her box of mind (subconscious mind is controlling her ~ may be) and i am totally felt sympathy for her and always there for her ... listen to every single words expressed while she is in a deep confusion..(i really think she needs my help!!) so I am as her best frenz willing to sacrificed my time sit and even some other time slept together with her and be a good listener. (thats what a friend are for ~ isn't it!!) . Referring to the fact she gave, she does have begging for this man ( Lucky man ) to secured their relationship but she'd been rejected and being asked a simple question that makes her speechless and wordless. She go back home and had give me a call and need my "point of view" on the problems that she's up to!! So...The question was " What Benefit will he get when he coming back to her" you see!! TEN simple words construct ONE short sentences and became a question marks to her ?????? At first I am stuck by the question and for sure to answers it, I have to step inside her shoe .... i need to put myself as if i am her ... and after sometimes My mind working together with the conscious and subconscious mind successfully giving a responds...( 4m my love experience too )...(^_^) Back to the question on what Benefit will he (her X-Bf) get when they are together again...Basically, when a guy @ a girl LOVE someone (differ sex with them) - the benefit towards each other is unquestionable ... ( m i right??!!) LOVE is an abstract and inexplicable thing. Its taking concerned on our feeling and vulnerable heart.. and LOVE need no rewards at the end of the relationship. I am not a Love expert but as for me, i never question back on what i will get back when bacame someone girlfriend!! Never ever cross in my mind on what benefit will i get at the end....NEVER!! SINCERITY....HONESTLY... AND LOYALTY for me is enough and is the main key in one relationship. owh and i do also reminds her about UNDERSTANDING and asked her in return whether or not she do "understand" her ex-boyfriend...and if she does, on what level is the UNDERSTANDING point?? While giving her the acceptable answers to the confusion, i myself refresh back my own LOVE life stories...never is less than what she's encountered to. My Boyfriend (in fact Ex-bf)...I Just can't UNDERSTAND him. May be on that time I am too young to understand the the "UNDERSTAND" context itself... I can't understand him for he is not telling all that i supposed to know "DTP" ~ Direct To The Point~. He sometimes talking or telling something as if he is hiding something / some important parts of his story ( i mean the things that he is about to tell me ). I JUST CAN"T UNDERSTAND HIM...I admit and confess that i only can understand him about 65 % to 70% of himself. He loves green, he likes to argue, he born on the 17th and he has his father's eyes, he loves writing stories...he loves playing with words for he will transfer everything he felt & he though to a piece of paper. He is sensible and creative young man. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. owh man!! I can't even let myself from forgetting him. He just can't stand with my hot temper and my ROCK attitude. He might be blaming me for destroying or ruining his life and career. NOW he might said that "One thing that i regretted the most is to ever falling in love with a girl named ~ MEARINNA!!" ( isn't it ??) LOVE : ~ you see is not talking about what will you get in return but its about a great feeling that is TO LOVE & TO BE LOVED...its about how strong is the felling when you love someone. Sooooo!! I am Glad when i am able to satisfied My best girlfriend with my answers hehe (grinning) Ganbatee!!

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Owh!! one thing i forgot to tell you about Dalit is...they have this one trademarks that is having their hair colored and having tattoo on their body...Funny but its true!! unbelievable.. they are out of modernization but still playing with those coloured on their hair and tattoo...imagine!! But at least this funny situation shows that they still have the connection with people out there & up to date with outside style (even the style is not suit to them)... i am happy though for this outstanding opportunity...exposed myself with people in there...I hope someday there will be one of Kg Dalit people...youngster will stand and speak for their people right and plead towards modernization...hehehe... yeah well let us forget about Dalit people...let continued with Mansiat surrounding... not like in Dalit...Mansiat approximately taking about 1 hours and a half minutes to go. Road is the same as in Dalit except for the dusty part..here the road is a bit okey (still in consideration as ok) but the way to go is long and tiring...hehehe... makes my butt and body a bit uneasy with the long unstop journey!! But stil i am heppi to be able to come in to this Kampong..(^_^) my first impression to this kampong is " wahhh to far from town..." and imagine here school provides only six teachers for primary school. (again teachers are lucky in here~~loadded wif $$ for sure)and water...naah you might not wants to believe this..they depends much on rivers (bathing,washing,cooking) and for the area that we are in, teachers are lucky to be given one water sources...that is "well" so each time they need water for toilet or others purposed, they need to pump the water through the water pump that connect through the "well" this is a good experiences for those who rarely know what "well" was actually is....!! eheheh Not like Dalit, the biggest etnic in here is "DUSUN". hehe and of course i know how to interact with them with this languages..hehe But then, the way they spoke the languages is differ from my Tambunan Dusun (at least i am still be able to understand it) yeah!! Unfortunately may be due to the difficulties and transportation problem... youngster around Mansiat study until primary six and then lost their education needs for secondary school..( too pathetic isn't it?) But some of the people here is very keen in letting their children to have the best education till they let their children live far from them in order hoping that secondary school in Keningau promise a good teachers for them. ehehhe (saying as what i am thinking). That's why i silently salute this kind of parents in here...without a perfect job, without a fix salary..they still wanting the best for their children and ups for the specific child to alter their way of living in the future. If only...if only i happened to owned a land (not big ... a few hectare will do)i will take the opportunity to educate these people about the importance of education nowadays. I might also wants to let the people around here to remained united and stand for their own ethnic...and for sure I will be the most helpful and more responsible person in there... hahaha !! Luckily it is only "IF"...and this is only a D.R.E.A.M ahahha...too bad.. buat its okey!! hehehe (grinning)

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"wellcome back mea"...that is the first sentences my Facebook greet me when i sign in my username and my password to my facebook account...great!! well i am back and here i am with my promises before...will gonna share my "outstation" experience with people out there and whoever that "trespass" my blog site..hehe!! 5 days 4 night outstation really open up my mind on what O.U.T.S.T.A.T.I.O.N is all about. Some of you might say outstation is cool...is enjoy!! well yeah..for sure it is cool & enjoyable but still bare in mind that Outstation is juz like "turun Padang" not a sightseeing anyway!! its a working hours not an enjoy moment. I used to go 4 outstation b4 wif BSN members while i am doing my practical with that organization and its nothing more or less with this 1st outstation that i involved with in JPN...unless JPN is concerned on people that lived far from society or i may said far from town...and giving them the needs of register them as Malaysian citizen for their own sake...hehe!! owh forgot to let you know that this "operation" is being taken place in Sk. Dalit (2 days ~ to tackle people around Kg Dalit) & Kg. Mansiat (also to tackle citizen around Mansiat) sook,Keningau. first let me talked about Kg. Dalit. Dalit is about 45" to 55" from main road and the road there were really damn sucks!! dust filled all over the road and blocking our front sight...imagine...dusty as if the place surround by a thick mist... until my driver have to stop the car again and again to let go the dust before proceeding our journey...(^_^) luckily..i am sitting in an air conditioning well Hilux (JPN)car...no problem on heat even all the windows close!! huhu. ~~ i still can have a short nap inside. This is the most interesting part on the road... About the people and their lifestyle...huh..people here mostly is From MURUT etnic. They talked in their languages and luckily they do also speak in bahasa (so it is not a prob. 4 us to approached them). They still depends much on "hasil Bumi" to lived their living and education for them is just a waste. (tis may due to the lack of education awareness on their parents)so parent let their children lived the basic living style only for the surviving purposed. Their daily activities is hunting & planting(this may due to the lack of facilities as water and electricity). School and clinic are provided but only a few is aware of the important of learning ABC's and taking care of their health. (for sure teachers and nurses working here earn a good fortune 4m their job) hehe!! Even people here is as what i have described earlier but then one thing for sure they are creative...creative in creating a new way on how to improve their lifestyle and they are very independent too..this is the pro side on them. i guess that's all i hv 2 share wif u .. info about Kg Dalit...next destination will be on the next post....to be continued.....yipiiii!!

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٩(̾●̮̮̃̾•̃̾)۶ yeah!! felt really are excited at this moment. I hope my excitement will gonna last long (at least until 11th March 2010) eheh !! I am involve in this so called "operasi" in Sook Keningau. ~~ from 7th March to 11th March~~ I never been to that place before but from what i heard Sook is still far From Keningau Town... huh !! but i am not sure how far is it...( later will do some study on the KM parts). (*^ -^*) huh!! I am thinking on my preparation now... emm let me think what to wear from the 1st day till d last day... emm i may be not goin to bring much luggage ... since this is my 1st Outstation, i dun not noe what exactly to bring. Let make it simple : 5 days is gonna need 6 T-shirt, 6 pants, 6 jeans, and 6..bla bla bla... most important thing...I can't wait till 2morrow. ahhah!! Emm 5 days of Outstation gonna let me gain new experiences, new frenz and new environment. Don't worry.. as soon as i return back.. I will blog in my Outstation Activity for you out there!! hehe... I noe people out there will gonna miss me too... (^_^) especially to JPN fren ARINA...AH LEIONG...(hehe) and my most valuable best girlfren ALICE BADULZ... Catch you guys later ya!!

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~~~(^_^)~~!! I am a little confused actualy at the moment i wrote this so called "BLOG" tittle... Will Little Mea Fight For Her Love This Time? huh!! I bet you might all think that i am purposely choosing this tittle....begging for sympathy isn't it? Well i myself am actually doesn't realized it when my ten small fingers typing those words.. hahah!!~~ (^_^) all i know is ...mea come on...write...write something!! whatever that comes out from your little box of mind...just write it..doesn't bother on the gramatical error...or the sense of "fear" inside you...just write it down...write it til you feel the satisfaction inside that finally make you smile (^_________^). huhuhuhu!! you see i even don't have a clear massage when writting but i highly putting my hope that i won't make you bored when reading this hehehe !! uhhh!! Well i am out of ideas but will soon discover a great new ideas to put in this Roses Will Bloom Again blog hehe!! till then...Ganbatee (good luck) mea....

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