THE UNSPOKEN BREAK

Eight years. Almost a decade of "ups and downs." Building a relationship, then watching it crack, then trying to glue it back together again. We were just starting out—I was only 25 when the breaking began. The age when you think you have forever, but instead, you get a lesson in how things end. That was us.

Everyone thinks time heals everything. They see me now, and they think that chapter is closed and the book is on the shelf. "It was so long ago," they would say if I ever spoke of it. So, I stay quiet. I don't say that the heartbreak didn't leave—it just moved into the background.

It’s an unspoken weight. It’s there when I’m walking through a quiet street in a foreign city. It’s there in the silence of my room after a long day at the office. A lingering shadow of the person I was before - the 8 years took their toll.

I learned that love isn't always like the school hallways and the innocent notes. Sometimes love is exhausting. Sometimes love is trying to hold onto something that is already slipping through your fingers. I gave my 20s to that "almost," and I came out the other side with a heart that knows how to hide its cracks.

People see a woman who is strong, who travels solo, who works hard and keeps going. They don't see the 25-year-old girl who is still standing in the rain, wondering why 8 years wasn't enough. They don't hear the questions I never asked out loud.

I am living. I am breathing. I am moving forward. But the heartbreak... it’s like a song playing very softly in another room. You can’t always hear the lyrics, but you can always feel the tune.

It is my secret. My unspoken broken heart.

¬m3@¬

|

Have you ever experienced a moment when you’re suddenly thinking of someone and missing them terribly? How would you describe that feeling in a few paragraphs? Can you elaborate on it? Is missing someone so dear, yet so far out of reach, truly worth it? Gosh, I miss someone so badly, and I’m aware that this is going to be a major cycle in my life. Here is a poem that captures my sadness, regret, hurt, and hope

Missing You

Thinking of you is like watching a show

Full of drama, joy, and pain;

Laughter to remember,

Tears to bear.

Oh, how I miss 

Everything about you.

Oh, how I regret the moments past,

The childishness of our relationship -

Full of cowardice and many trials.

I wish it could have survived another loop.

I didn't know love was an abstract art;

That it's all about give and take.

I didn't know love and feelings could change -

Not until we failed the game

I wish there were room for another chance,

To rewind and undo what has been done.

God, you know how hard it felt

When I lost the one I held most dear

Time passes, yet the wound still bleeds;

No doctor or surgeon can heal the pain.

God, I pray, please take my breath,

For I cannot forgive or forget the past.

"Child, everything happens for a reason."

Was the reply to comfort the soul - 

To quiet the subconscious,

And find the strength to hope again. 

I miss that person, but sadness and regret have become my most dominant feelings.

~m3@~

|

Greetings!!

I've been out and abandoned my blog for years ~sighing~ 

An update from me telling you that i am still breathing ... living!! 

Here's some unedited write up that come cross in my mind at the moment and i am sharing it here in my blog. 

FIRST LOVE

An innocent girl growing up, never even noticing you existed—that was me. Misunderstanding a friend, thinking they were flirting with personal questions—that was me. Soon I understood; that friend was just a messenger trying to help a friend—and that friend was you.

I was so unprepared and bewildered in front of the school counselor when you said you admired me. It was such an unpredictable encounter! I pretended not to care on the outside, yet I was filled with joy on the inside—that was me.

Then I realized: you were the number one popular student in school. Oh my God! I was liked by the one that "everyone wanted to be with"—that was you.

"Education comes first, love comes second." That was where the confusion started. Yet, By accepting you into my life, I learned... That love can conquer fear. That love is about giving and receiving. That love is about accepting weaknesses. Love is sweet—and full of happiness. I was falling in love.

You are my first love!

~m3@~

|